Skip to main content

No longer faking it through depression

The days on which I had my children live in my mind as two of the greatest days in my life.  Granted, I didn't really think that before the second they came out and the doctor told me "It's a girl!" and "It's a boy!"  But, in those seconds where my babies were set on my stomach and I looked at them for the very first time, I felt pure joy.  Unfortunately for me, that joy didn't last the way I thought it would.

The joy of being a parent hasn't come easy to me.  And, as I grow more and more in my parenting, I've come to realize that I have am living a life where I'm faking my way through depression.  Granted, I'm not living in a continually depressed state, but there are days and weeks where I struggle just to make it through the day.  I get angry.  I get frustrated.  I know that my emotions are sometimes all over the place.

This depression didn't just start one day.  It came on slowly - stemming from multiple factors in my life.  Primarily, it came from periods of disappointment.  This disappointment wasn't always with my expectations of other people (although this was a contributing factor).  A major part of my disappointment was with myself and situations of feeling like a failure as a parent through periods when my health or the health of my children weren't all that great.  During these periods, I felt like a failure because I couldn't be the mom that I had always planned to be.

In my daydreams, I am a mom who is active and involved with my children.  I continually have healthy snacks and meals.  I balance a life filled with time with family and time for myself.  My children are well-behaved and respect me as a parent.  My husband is supportive of my parenting efforts and defaults to my parenting decisions.  My children are thriving in physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.  I am thriving in these areas, too.

But, this is just a daydream.  The demands of being a parent often prove too much for me.  I do not have enough hours in a day to be all that I want to be.  I disappoint myself as I fake my way through depression.

But, in the past several months, I've learned you can't always fake your way through depression.  Even though it's hard (in every area of your own personal health), you have to take a stand to stop it.  You have to seek help and guidance.  You have to let friends and family know what you're going through so that they might be able to lend a helping hand.  You have to let go of the pedestal on which you have set your parenting goals and accept the mom that you are.

I've found that my children are more responsive (in a positive way) since I have starting owning up to them my true emotions.  They are learning that it's ok to not always be happy.  They are learning that sometimes Mommy just needs some quiet time.  It doesn't mean that I don't love them...it means I'm taking care of myself so that I can then take better care of them.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Here's a Friday First for me, a video!  Let me know what you think about it and if you'd like to see more.  Also, share what your plans are for the weekend to help others figure out what they're going to do.

Leadership Mom: SWOT Analysis

In business, leaders often analyze our Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats through a SWOT analysis.  So, if we are going to look at our role as moms as being the greatest leadership opportunity to us, let's start with analyzing ourselves and our kids.  Here's the SWOT I developed for my family:

As a doting mother, there are hundreds of strengths that I could put up here for my kids.  Their hugs, kisses, bedtime stories and prayers, the fact that they come to me when they're seeking healing from an injury (physical or emotional), the notes and drawings they make for me, their precious hearts when they try to help me or that they've learned how to use the Keurig to bring me coffee in the morning...I could go on and on.

Now, here's the part where we get honest with ourselves.  Yes, we love our kids and we love our family (or, hopefully, most of the time), but we are not perfect.  Nor should we be perfect.  As we analyze ourselves and our families, we hav…

Cybersecurity 101

One of the things that continually amazes me as a parent of young(er) children is their ability to quickly understand technology and its uses.  Not only have my children learned the art of swiping to use different devices, but they've also learned how to access apps, take pictures, answer calls (both phone and Skype), and more.  My children could teach their grandparents a lesson or two on how to use technology.

But, as a student of cybersecurity, I have seen a greater need to educate my children - as well as so many others - on the cybersecurity.  This goes beyond posting inappropriate pictures and unfriendly words on social media (although these lessons must also be taught).  This goes into the nature of understanding the benefits and risks of using technology and the privacy lost to it.  The major premise that must be understood in regards to cybersecurity is that information/data is money.  It's value is continually increasing.  We need to secure our information just as we…