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I love you through the "I hate you's"

To my child,

Today you told me you hate me.  It wasn't the first time, and it probably won't be the last.  Our relationship will always be at odds with each other.  This is the nature of being mother and daughter.  I had - and sometimes still have - the same relationship with my own mother, and she had the same relationship with her mother.

The truth of the matter is that I struggle being a mother.  Nothing in my life has prepared me for this task.  I'm learning as I go...and I'm making a lot of mistakes.  Growing up, I was taught to be a strong woman.  In my career, I have been placed in positions to show my strength and independence.  But, being a strong woman does not always translate to being a strong mother.  Too often these terms are separated to say you cannot have both.  As a mom, I have attempted to balance life as a woman and life as a mother instead of combining these terms into something more manageable.

If I'm being truthfully honest with you.  I often times don't want to be a mom.  I want to be your friend, instead.  I want us to enjoy all of the times we have together and make memories that will last us a lifetime.  But, this isn't the relationship of parent to child.  My job is to train you.  This means that we will come to odds when I try teaching you what's right versus what's wrong.  Today it was over something on the small side.  This won't always be the case.  In the future we will confront large issues of right vs. wrong/good vs. bad.  I know that you would like me to give in and let you have your way, but that's not what my role as your mom allows me to do.

My role as your mom is to be the person you know is looking out for your best intentions - whether it be not allowing you to eat candy before dinner so that you can be filled with food that gives you proper nutrients or correcting - and possibly disciplining - you when you've acted in a manner which could cause harm to you or someone else.  Someday I hope that you see I've fulfilled the responsibilities that fall into my role as mom.



I will not always do the right things as a mom.  I'm still learning.  Each stage and obstacle we surpass teaches me more.  But, I'm still human.  I will always make mistakes.  I will lose my temper.  I won't always understand you and what you're going through.  And, the same will be true of you.

Know this, you may hate me for the moment - and in future moments - but I love you.  I am not always happy with the things you do or the way you act, but I love you.  Through our disagreements, fights, corrections, and discipline I will continue to love you.  There is not one thing that you can do or say to me that will stop me from loving you.  I may not always respond well in the moment, but I will work hard to always show you that my love for you goes through the times when my responses are less than perfect.


Be patient with me as I journey through the struggles of learning how to be a mom.  If possible, could you also slow down just a bit.  You're growing so fast I can hardly keep up.  But, I'm trying.  I will keep trying and keep loving you until I take my last breath.  Then, you will hopefully still feel my love for you deep inside of you.

I love you through the I hate you's.

Love,
Your mom


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