Murphy's Laws for Moms

Today, my children lost their toys.  I'd had enough...the screaming, fighting, throwing, hitting, talking back, and more.  I've threatened to take toys away before, but never quite done it.  Now, I have.  I have to say, I don't know why I didn't do it sooner.  My kids finally realized, I wasn't bluffing. Yes, there were a few tears when the favorite animal went bye-bye.  There was grabbing onto my legs as I carried the laundry baskets (there were six of them) away.  But, eventually, my kids gave in and we had a talk about why the toys were taken away.  The outcome: my kids realized that they hadn't been listening and obeying. As I filled the first few basket full of toys, I was so frustrated that my kids cannot seem to focus on a simple task of picking up their toys before meal times or bedtime.  This has been a consistent battle in our house.  I ask them to pick up their toys, they start to do it, but in the end, they end up making ...

Dear God, I know that I don't pray very often any more.  It seems that, when I start to pray, I get little interruptions.  Then, when I do pray, it's because of emergencies caused by these little interruptions.  However, now that my house is quiet, I have one thing to ask you... Please let my children be sleeping and not on a quiet adventure through my cabinets, drawers, or the toilets.  Please let me find their darling little faces covered in tranquility as they dream of ways to grow big, strong, and healthy without thoughts of how to terrorize their sibling and finally climb to the top of the refrigerator in search of my secret stash of cookies and candy that I so desperately need at the end of each day.  God, please also help my secret stash always stay full. Thank you for my children.  But, more importantly, help me to remember that I am thankful for my children.  They truly are some of my greatest blessings.  I know this...I just don'...

We've all heard the phrases driving while intoxicated , driving under the influence , driving while texting , etc.  We know that there are numerous laws and safety programs geared towards improving the safety of our roads.  As a driver, I am thankful for these safety standards.  However, as a parent, I have begun to recognize that there is often a distraction that is overlooked when it comes to driving: driving while parenting . On any average day, while driving my car, I am faced with children screaming because I'm singing, the music is too loud, the music is too soft, the music isn't the right kind of music, brother's window is rolled down, brother's window is rolled up, brother stole sister's drink/toy/sock, sister is touching brother, sister is sticking her feet in brother's face, we're in Mom's car and not Dad's car, we're driving too slow, we're driving too fast, sister doesn't see any school buses, there are no trucks on the...

I've had a very recent experience with bacteria.  One that has left me a little on edge.  Because my children were in contact with someone with a confirmed case of a nasty bacterial infection, the Public Health Department got pulled into protecting the health of my children and the children with whom they have encountered.  I was required to jump through numerous hoops in order to prove that my children were, in fact, well children.  And, while I recognize the potential dangers of spreading bacteria, I have now begun to think to myself - and am now expressing to the handful of people reading this blog - that one of the major Mama Laws out there is the fact that are children are children and; therefore, they are - and will always be - bacterial children. I make every attempt to keep my children clean.  I wash their hands before and after eating.  They wear bibs when they're too young to keep food from spilling all over them.  Their diapers are changed...

Such a simple question.  It's also something that many stay-at-home-mothers don't want you to know because it's not glamorous.  The most common answer I hear from my SAHM friends is, "Nothing."  That doesn't come close to truthfully answering the question.  Because, the truth is the answer is problematic.  To any other person, the truth appears to be wasted time, disorganization, a lack of control, or simply chaos.  By corporate standards, these descriptions are relevant, but not the full truth.  SAHM job descriptions are not your standard roles.  You cannot describe productivity or success in a day.  However, never let it be said that "nothing" was done during a day.  So, to clarify what we mean by "nothing," here's a portion of a day in the life of a SAHM: 6:00 am: Woke up to husband getting ready for work  6:05 am: Husband gets in the shower while toddler comes crying into the bedroom because she didn't quite make it to th...

She's dressed impeccably.  She smells like sunshine.  Her hair looks like the shampoo commercials as it swings to and fro while she's walking with her three children - all of whom are paying perfect attention to her every word.  Her children are also dressed in matching clothes that, as far as I can tell in the afternoon sun, are spotless.  Their hair is styled and they are perfectly accessorized.  She smiles at everyone she passes.  Her phone rings, she answers it, and she carries on a calm and uninterrupted conversation. I watch her as she gets to her car and all of the children immediately climb into the spotless SUV and buckle their seatbelts.  No screaming.  No whining.  She is in control. While the above scenario may seem like it happens on a daily basis.  I can guarantee that it's never happened to me.  In fact, it probably never will.  This is another Mama Law: It's a good day if I've had time to get an uninterrupte...

The lesson was on food and drinks.  The teacher asked the girl, "What do you drink with your lunch?"  The girl's answer, "I'll have some wine." Learning happens in two directions once your children enter school.  The first way this happens is by the child taking in all of the information and experiences that the teacher and school give to them.  The second: the teacher and school taking in all of the information that your child gives to them.  Now, some of this information isn't so bad.  It reaffirms the knowledge that they've learned.  However, sometimes it reaffirms the information that they've absorbed when you didn't know they were absorbing it. My daughter's simple answer to her teacher about having wine with her lunch was, thankfully, laughed off.  No, I don't give her wine.  But, she learned it by recalling all the times that I have ordered wine with my meals or poured my own glass at home.  It's not a major dilemma.  S...