Skip to main content

The Perfect Mom Myth

She's dressed impeccably.  She smells like sunshine.  Her hair looks like the shampoo commercials as it swings to and fro while she's walking with her three children - all of whom are paying perfect attention to her every word.  Her children are also dressed in matching clothes that, as far as I can tell in the afternoon sun, are spotless.  Their hair is styled and they are perfectly accessorized.  She smiles at everyone she passes.  Her phone rings, she answers it, and she carries on a calm and uninterrupted conversation. I watch her as she gets to her car and all of the children immediately climb into the spotless SUV and buckle their seatbelts.  No screaming.  No whining.  She is in control.

While the above scenario may seem like it happens on a daily basis.  I can guarantee that it's never happened to me.  In fact, it probably never will.  This is another Mama Law:

It's a good day if I've had time to get an uninterrupted shower.
It's a great day if I've been able to do this by myself.
It's an amazing day if I'm then able to style my hair, put on makeup, and find clean, matching clothes.

My house is never what some might call "clean."  However, I have perfected the art of making it appear clean.  Just don't check out the closets, under the sinks, or any shelves above eye level.  If I invite you over for lunch, it's because I need an excuse to force my husband to watch the kids so that I can clean the bathrooms, dust the shelves, and do everything else that I've been putting off.  If you call and tell me that you're coming over, I'll kindly invite you in and hope that the hall closet stays shut after I've quickly thrown the vacuum back in after the whirlwind quick clean I did 30 seconds before your arrival.  If you show up unannounced, I'll tell you the truth by saying it's just been one of those days (while not telling you that's how every day really is).

My kids go out in public in their PJs because I don't want to deal with the temper tantrums.  Their hair may not have been brushed because the oldest child was using the hairbrush as a weapon against her brother.  They might have eaten goldfish or cookies for breakfast in the car on the way to school because we were just lucky enough to have left the house in one piece.  Milk has been spilled on the carpet, in the car, down the toilet, and in the baby's bed.  I spray Febreeze or Lysol to cover the smell until I have time to get the carpet cleaner out.

The only reason my kids are walking neatly in line with me when I walk into the store is because I've threatened no cookies or ice cream when we get home if they aren't anything less than perfectly behaved.  I haven't carried on a conversation with a friend, colleague, or family member without throwing in the phrase, "Stop hitting your brother," "No biting," or "We don't touch puppy bottoms" in too long to remember.  And, if my kids have every gotten into a car without screaming or whining, it's only because they were a newborn, already asleep in their pumpkin seat.

Mama Law learned: If I wanted to be the perfect mom, then why did I have kids?  So, I'm not even going to try.  I kind of like being imperfect.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Leadership Mom: SWOT Analysis

In business, leaders often analyze our Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats through a SWOT analysis.  So, if we are going to look at our role as moms as being the greatest leadership opportunity to us, let's start with analyzing ourselves and our kids.  Here's the SWOT I developed for my family: Family SWOT Analysis As a doting mother, there are hundreds of strengths that I could put up here for my kids.  Their hugs, kisses, bedtime stories and prayers, the fact that they come to me when they're seeking healing from an injury (physical or emotional), the notes and drawings they make for me, their precious hearts when they try to help me or that they've learned how to use the Keurig to bring me coffee in the morning...I could go on and on. Now, here's the part where we get honest with ourselves.  Yes, we love our kids and we love our family (or, hopefully, most of the time), but we are not perfect.  Nor should we be perfect.  As we analyze oursel

I'm no longer telling my kids to have fun

Today, I've made an important realization that is changing the way that I talk to my children.  I am no longer going to tell them to have fun. Don't get me wrong, I desperately desire that my children find joy, happiness and laughter through numerous experiences and adventures.  But, my children's definition of fun and mine have two VERY different meanings. I'll give you an example. My almost four-year-old son loves to destroy things.  He's like his dad - a man who just wants to learn how things work, as well as cause and effect.  So, he takes apart toys, sister's dolls, kitchen appliances, and more.  He tears books because "the story was in the wrong order."  He pushes buttons - both literally and figuratively.  He colors on walls, floors, computer monitors, furniture, carpet and more because he wants to create maps and "building plans" for his Duplos.  This is his idea of fun . Do you see my dilemma?  His idea of fun is so completel

Why can't they just be friends?

Why can't my kids just be friends?  I must ask myself this question hundreds of times during the week.  I thought that having kids relatively close together was going to be great.  They'd have a playmate and an automatic friend.  However, the truth is that - most of the time - they don't get along.  It's not that they're enemies...it's that they drive each other crazy.  They each want the other one to do what they want to do.  Then, when the other one does what they want, they get mad at them because they wanted to do it themselves. They don't want to share their toys.  Then, they play together only to then get mad and purposefully break the other sibling's toys. They want to get the other one in trouble so that they look like the "good" child and get more rewards.  Then they get upset that the other sibling got them in trouble when they *tattled* on them. At mealtimes, they want to sit where the other one is sitting.  They want the c