Skip to main content

I have to teach them what?

Does it ever amaze you, as a parent, the things you have to teach your kids?  There are some things that I just assumed were innate or an auto-learn feature of childhood.  I was wrong.  So far, here's the list of things I never knew I had to teach my children:

  1. How to nurse...it's not as innate as many lactation specialists would like you to think.
  2. How to sleep.
  3. When to sleep.
  4. How long to sleep.
  5. How to sleep in their own beds.
  6. When to wake up.
  7. How to dress themselves.
  8. How not to dress themselves.
  9. How to wipe their own bottoms.
  10. What to put in the potty.
  11. What not to put in the potty.
  12. Not to touch bottoms other than their own.
  13. When not to touch their own bottom.
  14. When it's appropriate to talk about bottoms.
  15. How to eat.
  16. What to eat.
  17. How to tilt a sippy cup up so that the drink comes out.
  18. To not tilt a straw cup up.
  19. How to drink out of a regular cup/glass with no lid.
  20. How to dial a phone.
  21. How to make an emergency phone call.
  22. What is an emergency.
  23. When the emergency necessitates an emergency phone call.
  24.  What a smoke detector sounds like.
  25. What to do when you hear a smoke detector.
And the list goes on.

Amazingly, there are things that I've NEVER had to teach my children, but they automatically now.
  1.  How to escape their baby-gated room at 4am.
  2. How to wake up everyone in the house at 4am after flooding the kitchen.
  3. How to burn a toy in a waffle iron.
  4. How to draw on the most expensive piece of furniture in the house with Sharpie.
  5.  How to start a car.
  6. How to get through every baby/toddler safety/security feature ever bought.
  7. How to break the lock on my mobile phone.
  8. How to pick a lock when there's food on the other side of the door.
  9. How to build your own staircase out of laundry baskets.
  10. How to unlock doors and deadbolts.
  11. What Caillou is.
  12. How to climb a tree.
  13. How to make anything into a step ladder.
  14. How to find every piece of chocolate in the house.
  15. To want bubble gum even though they've never had it.
  16. How to stop the drains in every sink.
  17. How to flush a toilet...over and over and over again.
  18. Where the dog water bowl is.
  19. How to throw a temper tantrum.
  20. Phrases to tell Mom and/or Dad they're angry.
 

Comments

  1. OK this is hilarious!! Not sure if your blog makes me want to have kids more or less :).

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

If you give a mom a coffee cup

If you give a mom a coffee cup, she'll say "thank you" and immediately go to the coffee pot. 

At the coffee pot, she'll start the coffee and pour herself a cup...noticing the full cup of cold coffee that she poured herself yesterday.

She'll take the cold cup of coffee to the sink, dump it down the drain, and go to put it in the dishwasher.

She'll open the dishwasher and realize that it's full of clean dishes that need to be put away.

She'll put away all of the clean dishes and then will put in the dirty - now empty - cup of coffee from yesterday.

She'll notice that there are other dirty dishes in the sink that need to go into the dishwasher, so she'll put them all in the dishwasher.

She'll then realize that there may be other dirty dishes other places in the house and will go looking for them...finding them in bathrooms, on the coffee table, under beds, and in the sandbox outside.

While looking for dirty dishes, she'll notice that ther…

Why can't they just be friends?

Why can't my kids just be friends?  I must ask myself this question hundreds of times during the week. 

I thought that having kids relatively close together was going to be great.  They'd have a playmate and an automatic friend.  However, the truth is that - most of the time - they don't get along.  It's not that they're enemies...it's that they drive each other crazy. 

They each want the other one to do what they want to do.  Then, when the other one does what they want, they get mad at them because they wanted to do it themselves.

They don't want to share their toys.  Then, they play together only to then get mad and purposefully break the other sibling's toys.

They want to get the other one in trouble so that they look like the "good" child and get more rewards.  Then they get upset that the other sibling got them in trouble when they *tattled* on them.

At mealtimes, they want to sit where the other one is sitting.  They want the cup the ot…

Portland's Rose Summit

I have a great passion for working with women to become stronger leaders who are making differences in their communities.  It is with this in mind that I share with you an amazing opportunity for Portland women: the Junior League of Portland's inaugural Women's Empowerment & Leadership Summit.

This leadership summit will be held on May 11, 2018 at the Hilton Downtown Portland and is a day-long leadership and professional development conference open to all women in the Portland and surrounding communities.

The theme is Diversity and Inclusion and the Junior League is honored to feature Tarana Burke, activist and founder of the #MeToo Movement.  The Summit will offer opportunities for workshops, speakers, networking, and camaraderie among women in all stages of leadership around our community.

The Summit is a major fundraiser for the Junior League of Portland and all proceeds from the event support the League's community fund, the 1910 Campaign, with 100% of the money ra…