Skip to main content

I have to teach them what?

Does it ever amaze you, as a parent, the things you have to teach your kids?  There are some things that I just assumed were innate or an auto-learn feature of childhood.  I was wrong.  So far, here's the list of things I never knew I had to teach my children:

  1. How to nurse...it's not as innate as many lactation specialists would like you to think.
  2. How to sleep.
  3. When to sleep.
  4. How long to sleep.
  5. How to sleep in their own beds.
  6. When to wake up.
  7. How to dress themselves.
  8. How not to dress themselves.
  9. How to wipe their own bottoms.
  10. What to put in the potty.
  11. What not to put in the potty.
  12. Not to touch bottoms other than their own.
  13. When not to touch their own bottom.
  14. When it's appropriate to talk about bottoms.
  15. How to eat.
  16. What to eat.
  17. How to tilt a sippy cup up so that the drink comes out.
  18. To not tilt a straw cup up.
  19. How to drink out of a regular cup/glass with no lid.
  20. How to dial a phone.
  21. How to make an emergency phone call.
  22. What is an emergency.
  23. When the emergency necessitates an emergency phone call.
  24.  What a smoke detector sounds like.
  25. What to do when you hear a smoke detector.
And the list goes on.

Amazingly, there are things that I've NEVER had to teach my children, but they automatically now.
  1.  How to escape their baby-gated room at 4am.
  2. How to wake up everyone in the house at 4am after flooding the kitchen.
  3. How to burn a toy in a waffle iron.
  4. How to draw on the most expensive piece of furniture in the house with Sharpie.
  5.  How to start a car.
  6. How to get through every baby/toddler safety/security feature ever bought.
  7. How to break the lock on my mobile phone.
  8. How to pick a lock when there's food on the other side of the door.
  9. How to build your own staircase out of laundry baskets.
  10. How to unlock doors and deadbolts.
  11. What Caillou is.
  12. How to climb a tree.
  13. How to make anything into a step ladder.
  14. How to find every piece of chocolate in the house.
  15. To want bubble gum even though they've never had it.
  16. How to stop the drains in every sink.
  17. How to flush a toilet...over and over and over again.
  18. Where the dog water bowl is.
  19. How to throw a temper tantrum.
  20. Phrases to tell Mom and/or Dad they're angry.
 

Comments

  1. OK this is hilarious!! Not sure if your blog makes me want to have kids more or less :).

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Leadership Mom: SWOT Analysis

In business, leaders often analyze our Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats through a SWOT analysis.  So, if we are going to look at our role as moms as being the greatest leadership opportunity to us, let's start with analyzing ourselves and our kids.  Here's the SWOT I developed for my family:

As a doting mother, there are hundreds of strengths that I could put up here for my kids.  Their hugs, kisses, bedtime stories and prayers, the fact that they come to me when they're seeking healing from an injury (physical or emotional), the notes and drawings they make for me, their precious hearts when they try to help me or that they've learned how to use the Keurig to bring me coffee in the morning...I could go on and on.

Now, here's the part where we get honest with ourselves.  Yes, we love our kids and we love our family (or, hopefully, most of the time), but we are not perfect.  Nor should we be perfect.  As we analyze ourselves and our families, we hav…
Here's a Friday First for me, a video!  Let me know what you think about it and if you'd like to see more.  Also, share what your plans are for the weekend to help others figure out what they're going to do.

Thoughts from a non-traditional student

It's the end of the school year for many of us.  My kids are thrilled about this and keep telling me that they're so excited to have the summer off...they don't yet realize that we'll have a new family chore chart and lessons on being a "contributor" to the family!

For me, the end of the school year is also exciting.  It is also the end of my first year back to school for a new degree in Cyber Operations, a degree that is almost the complete opposite of my other degree in Communication and Advertising.  It also was exciting to realize that you really can start learning something new at any age, no matter how long it's been since your last time in school.  With this in mind, I thought I'd do a recap of some thoughts I had during my nontraditional year.
Going back to school is scary.  There's new technology. Not every teacher uses a textbook. You're *often* older than the teachers. There's no easy way to balance school-work-family life. You&#…